I am not writing this post for sympathy or for anyone to tell me I'm amazing or anything else like that. I don't want to hear those things, I just want to express how I'm feeling for just a minute.
This time of the year hurts, I wish it didn't. I try so hard to put on a happy face and to be excited for Christmas. I fill my time up as much as possible so I don't have to think about things. Of my five pregnancies, three of them have been lost just before the holidays started. George and I keep hoping that this year will be the year that we will finally have a little one in our home for Christmas. That in a couple years they will be helping us put up the Christmas tree and we will be teaching them the meaning of Christmas and what it is to serve others. It tears me apart every year when we put the presents under the tree and there aren't any there for one of our babies. I don't want people to feel bad for me. I don't want people to tell me I'm amazing. All I want is to make my husband a daddy and for me to be a mommy.
That being said, I really am thankful for this time of the year too. It's such a two sided situation. I love the kindness, the love, the peace, the hope, and the charity I see in others. There are so many people out there that I want to be like. I'm thankful for the reminder this year that my Savior lives and that He loves me. I'm getting back to my scripture study and my prayers (at least once a day). I'm feeling more alive. Maybe this Christmas season was just what I needed.
Fine. I won't say you are amazing. And I definitely won't pity you - BECAUSE I DON'T. But I will say this: even though our situations are completely different, I think what we feel are the same. While there are no words that provide comfort {trust me, I know!}, maybe you can find solace in knowing I still hope for you. Every day. Sending love your way {and NOT pity - no one wants that!}. :) :) :)
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