Finding Answers

George and I are on a path to find some answers.  Answers about why we miscarry that is. 

Before I start this post, please don't say you are sorry.  Don't worry about what to say.  We are dealing and have dealt with this situation and you don't need to say sorry.  I know a lot of people hear people talk about things they are dealing with and don't know what to say or feel like they need to feel bad for that person.  We don't feel bad for us anymore.  (Honestly, we all feel self pity sometimes right?)  But we are in a good place.  This Just Is.  It's our struggle, it's what we get to deal with.

Anyway, we are now on to the sixth doctor since we found out I had PCOS and started to try to get pregnant.  We are so excited to be working with Dr. Gurtcheff at the Utah Fertility Clinic and feel blessed that we have been guided to her.  Every doctor has passed us on to one with even more knowledge and the ability to help.  Our first visit with Dr. Gurtcheff was wonderful.  She informed me that as many miscarriages as we have had is not normal, no matter what you weigh.  Can you imagine the relief.  Here I am, beating myself up because I haven't been able to lose weight and feeling like the whole miscarriage thing was all my fault.  Talk about a weight off my shoulders (no pun intended). 

We talked about what we had been through already and she told us what the plan was from here on out.  Last week George and I had some blood drawn.  Mine is testing some hormones and my genes.  George's is testing his genes.  The genetic test should show if there is anything in our chromosomes that is preventing me from carrying a pregnancy.  The hormone test, I actually don't know what they are looking for.  Something good I'm sure.

Today I had a water ultrasound.  I didn't think it was going to hurt but boy was I wrong.  They use a catheter and put water in your uterus, yes it is as bad as it sounds.  That hurt.  I'm still hurting from it.  Good news though.  My uterus is normal and my eggs look good (they wanted to make sure they weren't old eggs).  Yay so that is good news.

Unless the blood tests come back with abnormalities then the next step is to put me on clomid and hcg until I ovulate and then pump me full of progesterone with the hopes that it will help me hold on to the pregnancy.  Good thing, it could result in us keeping a pregnancy.  Bad thing, it could result in multiple babies (or is that a good thing? :) and we also could deal with another miscarriage.  However, this doctor seems determined to help us find answers and if she can't, she'll let us know.  We are having faith in Heavenly Father and in His timing.  We won't do the drugs until after girl's camp as I can't be pregnant and go to camp.  We know that if we keep pressing forward with faith that all will work out as it should and if the miscarriages keep happening after all this, well then maybe our baby is supposed to come to us by other means.  Heavenly Father has been leading us along the way so far and He will continue to do so.