My Decision and a Myriad of Other Things

I'm not a very confident person. I never have been and that throws some wrenches in life and in my work. I'm going to work on that and not worry as much about what everyone around me thinks about me. That's no way to live my life. Worrying every second that I'm going to do or say something wrong. You know what really matters? What my Heavenly Father thinks.

Because of the things that I've learned over the past few months, I have a sudden need to eliminate the pressure I feel and simplify a little, I decided to pretty much get rid of Facebook. I'll leave it up for family, especially family far away but I just don't want to see every thing that is going on in everyone's lives and all of the videos and the articles and everything else. It just isn't good for me. I'm spending too much time on social media and honestly, a lot of times it makes me feel like crap.

My blog I can do. It is my outlet, my place to express my feelings and sort of a journal. It's for me. I don't have to read anything else and I can feel good about where I am in my life. If people want to see how I'm doing, they are welcome to read here or to email me, call me, or text me. Same for me. I want contact with people but I can do the same with them.

I judge myself a lot based on other people. I judge my worth as a woman when I see all the moms posting about themselves and their babies. I judge my weight and my size and how I look when I see all the articles about health and body. I judge my relationship with my husband when I see the posts about having an exciting date night. I judge my budget, our ability to travel, our debt, our lack of owning a home, etc and so forth. I think when you have a personality that is not confident and gets so easily down on himself/herself, then it's time to cut some things out. Facebook is that for me.

I hope that helps in understanding my decision for myself. In fact, I'm not even sure why I need to justify that decision but there it is.

On to life:

Children Front: The last time I wrote, I posted that I was going to go in for an HSG test to see if I had any blockages in my remaining tube. We went in for the test the week of Thanksgiving and unfortunately, it came back that I have a blockage.

So what do you do when the best option to try to have a biological baby is IVF and costs $15,000 and no other options feel right? You take some time off to think, get healthy, and save some money for whatever option you are going to pursue whether it be IVF, a gestational carrier, adoption, or foster care. Right now none of our options feels like the right option so we are taking some time to think, to feel, to pray, and to make sure we do what is right for us.

Birthdays: I got older last month. I can't believe I'm 34. Really, I'm starting to lose track of my age. Plus it starts to feel old when your husband and your doctor remind you that you only have through your 35th year to do an egg retrieval. lol. Thanks for making me feel even older. Your clock is ticking woman.

School, Work, Church: Between the two of us, three jobs. That keeps us hopping enough to drive us insane. Add in school which keeps the rest of George's schedule pretty packed. Lastly church and being in primary and the adventures to go with that and George being financial clerk, it seems that we barely have time to see each other.

We are busy people and have a lot of stuff going on that is fulfilling and stressful all at the same time but don't we all. Lots more adventures in our extended family too. Life is just full of excitement. We shall see where this year takes us!