September is a busy month for us. Students are coming back to school which means answering questions about moving in and contracts. For George, it means going back to school and getting used to a whole new schedule. Add on top of that two jobs for George and demanding callings and you can say our September was going to be anything but quiet. Add into that trying to have a baby and trying to get foster care certified and you could say that we were certifiably insane.
We weren't thrilled that we had to wait until mid-September for our home study but it was what it was. I had to contact our licensor partially into September about rules of who could stay in our home once we were licensed and we found out that our licensor did not expect for us to be licensed any sooner than 30 days from our home study. We were shocked. Friends who had been in our class already had kids in our home and had their license within a day of their home study. We couldn't believe she was telling us 30 more days.
Luckily, we received a call from a different licensor a few days before our home study who informed us that she was going to take on some of our licensor's work load. We were just fine with that. She spent almost five hours in our home. She asked us personal questions about our lives for over 4 hours. Questions about our relationships in our families, our relationship together, our rules, our schedules, etc. Questions so invasive and I sit and think wow, I have to go through all of this just to have a child in my home. If only everyone had to do this before they had kids. Sure would make some people re-think it. I understand the reasoning behind the questions but man, I already struggle to have biological children, does being a foster or adoptive parent have to be so hard? I hope it makes you think twice before saying to someone, you could always adopt. Like it's just a simple alternative.
Our Home Study licensor left and told us that we should be licensed the next day and our license should be in the mail. A week passed and we hadn't heard anything. I contacted her and she said my licensor said it was in the mail. The next day we received it! We were so excited. We took pictures and then...I looked at the picture. Lo and behold, our address was wrong. I contacted the licensing office. Is this a problem? Yes, it definitely is. We'll have to send a new one. Great, I thought! Maybe this really isn't meant to be. So many hang ups for something that had gone so easily for other friends. Maybe we weren't meant to be foster parents. Maybe it was asking a little too much.
In the meantime, we were also on round two of fertility medications. They put me on femara for our first and second round. We were hopeful that there would be fewer side effects, which there were. What a blessing. Same timeline as last time. Take the medications, look for mature eggs through ultrasound, eggs not mature enough, take some more medicine, have another ultrasound, looks good. Order an HCG shot. Plan the shot at just the right time that night because we have to be together 12 and 24 hours post shot. One day post hopeful fertilization I started on progesterone suppositories and lovenox shots. Every night, a shot in the stomach and suppositories inserted. It was uncomfortable and miserable each month. Progesterone makes me crazy and emotional. On top of all of the emotions of trying to get through the waiting. (I know people doing IVF have it even worse than this and I can't even imagine that.) Then two weeks of waiting. Unsure if what you are doing is even going to help anything, if your egg was even fertile or if it could possibly be the time that it is going to work.
I thought for sure the second round was going to work. I had a good sized egg, in fact it was huge. I knew this was it. I looked for every symptom possible. Every twinge. Every ache. This could be it. It could really work this time. I went in for my blood draw two weeks later. I got the phone call at work at 2 p.m. This was it, I was ready to be excited. My boss was in my office and I told her I had to take the call. I shut the door to my office, ready to face the outcome. And then, the news. I'm sorry Sharylann but it didn't work this time. I didn't realize how much I had been holding onto the hope that this was the time. I cried. I cried a lot. I cried so much that I couldn't stay at work. I sent my bosses a message and told them I had to go home. Then I went home and cried. I was devastated. All of this work and now I can't even get pregnant to even have a miscarriage. It was so disheartening. I wasn't sure I could do one more round of this but I knew if I didn't I would be wondering whether or not this could ever work for us.
Then October came...
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